Why females should avoid a girl's night out after they are married:

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up,I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNITE!)The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem upset at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh Shit ," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table."






Pants and panties
A typical macho man married the typical good-looking lady. On there honey moon before they crawled into bed he saysto his wife, "honey I want you to do something for me"She's thinking oh great he wants it his way, so she says,"Yes dear what would you like me to do?" He replies,"I want you to put on my pants" So she thinks fora minute then she says ok. Well as she goes to pull up the pants she says to her husband,"Honey your pants won't fit me " he says," I wear the pants in this relationship and that'sthe way it's going to stay" So with out missing a beat she tells him, " Honey Iwant you to do something for me" He replies with a sigh,“What do you want me to do dear?" She tells him, "I want you to try on my panties." Thinking that thisis one of her fetishes, he goes to please his wife and putsthem on. When he finally gets over to the other side of the bed he can'tpull them past his knees, so he tells her, "Honey Ican't get into your panties!" She says, "That's right and that's the wayit's going to stay until you change your attitude"