Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I made it.
My boss has really pissed me off.
I am so in need of down time.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you. "What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Yep this is how ll teachers are feeling at this point in the school year. CRAZY
11 more days of students and 14 for teachers.
TGIF tomorrow. I need a weekend to chill, clean house, and do laundry.....

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

This is me today. I have a headache...I am sleep deprived and my students are crazy as hell today. We have 15 more days together. I am ready and they are even more ready.
I need some down time. I need some quiet time. I need 8 solid hours of sleep. We got our bedroom set which we are both pleased with...but the 1800 mattress is too soft for both of us. We went to the furniture store yesterday and he said he'd swap it. It's got a latex memory foam that fits to your body....but it's just too soft for long term sleep.
I have lost a co worker due to violence in her home. She will not be back this year. I am sorry to say and I doubt she'll be back next year.
Send me calm soothing vibes with another paycheck.
Many Thanks.
Oh..and hell NO I would not vote for ..."HALF HONKEY---ALL DONKEY" O'bama.

Friday, May 02, 2008

A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The BLONDE driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them, and stands them at the rear of the vehicle, facing oncoming traffic.

The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.

It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly
enraged, approaches the BLONDE of the disabled vehicle, yelling, "What's going on here?"

"My car broke down officer" says the woman calmly. "Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?" he asks.

"Helloooooooo!!!" says the BLONDE "Those are my emergency