This is totally how I feel about life right now. I had a busy day. I spent 2 hrs in Sprint. I spent almost 40 minutes in Sam's trying to get my dad some flavored water to take home. Traffic any where was a total BITCH.
I am really feeling like I am being torn in 15 different directions. I was going to drive home today to see mom. I realized by the end of the week I had to have a couple of days OFF! (With all of your prayers---she has responded well to this first round of chemo) I need it for my own sanity! Well, one of my oldest friends is getting married NEXT OCTOBER, and I swear she has called me 15 times this week about getting a damn dress. Ok,,.hello the wedding is in 11 months. The bridal store she has selected isn't located in my town. She knows I will be home with in the week...but is acting like she will have a fucking stroke if I don't get on the phone with David's Bridal and give them my credit card. She has picked out the dress...All i need to do is go for a fitting and PAY the woman. She leaves me a message today..."I know you are ignoring me, just tell me you don't want to be in the wedding". Ok I left her a message 3 days ago that told her HOW MUCH shit I have going on. She is still riding my ass. (Choral concerts, PTA meetings, WORK)
Second, I talked to mom today. She apparently had the next 2 weeks pretty much planned out for me. She was counting on me spending EVERY DAY of my vacation at home. My thoughts were, I would go this week and stay til next Wed.. I would help her do household stuff....laundry, some cooking, taking care of kitties, garbage, cleaning out fridge n freezer, shopping and errands for her. Well, my dad is working this week, so I thought it would give us some one on one time and give dad a break. He's got next week off. She was disappointed with me on the phone. ( i told her I had to have a few days for me during my 2 week supposed to be vacation time)
She calls to inform me my aunt plans on coming over tomorrow and wants to work in the yard....and bring 2 of her friends to clean my gutters. OK guys...tomorrow is a SAINTS game that they will actually SHOW me here....and it was my "I REFUSE TO GET OUT OF MY PJ"s" day. I need to do dishes, finish wrapping gifts, laundry, pack, pay bills....IT WAS MY ALONE DAY)...Well, my aunt hasn't called me, cause when i left her house this week...I left in a sad state. Don't get me wrong she is a wonderful lady, but a VERY harsh critic. She really dishes out what she thinks...and usually they are criticisms....from the highlights in my hair, to how a pair of pants are not flattering. I need to do better with managing my money, I should "do this" for a guy I am dating...
Then there is Linda. I LOVE LINDA!!! She is my oldest friend...we will be leaning on each other quite a bit...both of our mom's have breast cancer. Our mom's are friends...But Linda lives next door to hers. (she see's her DAILY) She is wanting to go sprint around the French Quarter while I am home. OK, yes, I could use the night out...but right now I feel like MOM Is my priority and gets first dibs. I wanna make EVERYONE Happy and I am losing my fucking mind in the thought of trying to do it all.
It doesn't help that I am 36 and still single. (holidays make being single tough)---except we don't have awful inlaws to deal with) Right now is when I need a life partner to be my rock...and tell me what I am feeling is normal. All I can do is my best, but remember..I do not want to LIVE with regrets with my mom...but in the same notion, I have to take time for myself.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Dear ABBY
SCREAM
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8 comments:
Sorry, had typos on my first post. Okay, here we go:
Dear Rebecca,
1.Where to start first?! You DO need very much to take some time for yourself. (See also #3). Tell your mom how much you appreciate her wanting your aunt to come over and help with your home, how much you appreciate her wanting you to spend all your days of vacation there, but, surely she can understand you need a couple of days to recharge your batteries that are just "YOU" days.
2. Tell your best bud whose wedding you are going to be to take a big fat CHILL PILL. Tell her to take a deep breath, don't panic because you haven't called on the dress. Maybe even tell her right now at Christmas is not the time to be paying out extra money and yes, you still want to be in the wedding, yes, you will call the bridal shop and pay for the dress, but no it will not be right this red hot minute at Christmas when you have other financial obligations and the wedding is 11 months away.
3. TAKE A NIGHT AND GO WITH LINDA. For real. You need it. Don't feel guilty for taking some "me" time while you are home. If you are stressed and too focused on your mom because of her illness, she will pick up on the stress and then SHE will be even more stressed. DO IT.
4. DO NOT let being 36 and still single get to you. I told my best bud until I was blue in the face DO NOT SETTLE, DO NOT WORRY. She got married for the first time 3 years ago and she married a most wonderful man who loves and adores her and whom we all love and adore. If she had settled, she wouldn't be with who she is now.
If God doesn't have a spouse in your life right now, He has given you the support structure you need at this moment - friends and family who love you. Spouses are not the rock - Christ is the rock. Spouses are a blessing and a freaking curse.
I know it's hard and society puts pressure on singles to be married but don't settle, don't rush and look around you - use those folks God has given you to lean on right now. (Hey, here's one right here!)
Sincerely,
Dear Abby (although actually Dear Abby is dead so another lady writes as Dear Abby so I guess it's okay that I write as Dear Abby?!)
2:12 PM
Ok, first of all Sprint SUCKS-- Let me tell you, "Satan Lives at Exit 7"-- that's the home of the Sprint Call Center in Virginia. Ok, I feel better getting that out. Anyway, tell your best friend to CHILL OUT!!! Damn, I didn't even get my girls fitted for their dresses until September, and I got married in December!
Let me tell you-- there is NO SHAME in being 36, and single. You're able to go out and do the things YOU want to do, to see the people YOU want to see, with no one to answer to. You've got great friends, and a great career. As much as I love my husband, I will be the first to say, there's far more to life than marriage. *hugs*
Thanks for droppping by on my blog.
Good luck with your holidays,hope you & your family have a great Christmas.
I know you need to be there for your mom, but you won't be good to anyone unless you have some much deserved time to unwind!
You know I want to see you, but if it doesn't happen, you know we can always get together later. Do what you have to do. I just don't want my dinner idea to add more pressure. Call me whenever, seriously. :-)
And tell your friend to relax. October is eons away. She sounds like a bridezilla!
I really sympathaise with you I realise how difficult it is yrying to keep everyone happy when main priority is your mother.
About two years ago I had 8 months with my mother in hospital and all I seemed to do was go to work, go to the hospital, eat and sleep and had virtually no time for myself and friends.
It totally knackered me out, Remember you have a priority to look after yourself or you will be no good to your mum when she needs you. Real friends will realise that.
Rachel- wow...when is your column published next?? You ought to be the new Carrie writer - what would you name it? Sex and the City duo?
1999- unfortunately society defines women my age with labels...guess that was one of the reasons i loved SATC -cause they were all single and SUCCESSFUL (Imagine that both qualities do exist)
Hannah- well the bridzilla comment has me pondering. I love her...but she is a very visual person and yep, i bet she will be anal on ths kinda stuff-wedding wise.
white rose- see the fun stuff you get to read about with all you women blog buddies. I do have several 'real friends" but i really do wanna make people happy..all of them if not only in a few fleeting moments, but mom is # 1.
THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT EVERYONE!!
It looks as though Blogger likes me today! Sorry this took so long!
I agree with Rachel, 100%. Stand your ground, softly.
Make sure you don't burn yourself out.
Take some time to renew, you'll be so glad you did.
That'll be $300 and we do take American Express. My receptionist will assist you.
See you tomorrow. (LOL)
D :)
you obviously NEED a few days to relax!! Take them, you wont be helping anyone out by not taking care of YOU first.
What is with Bridezilla? tell her to chill......
The French Quarter! You had BETTER get your ass out and party at least ONE night...no excuses.
So whats going on w/ G?
And, take it from me, being hitched aint all it is cracked up to be..........seriously
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