Men

Kinda have a lot on my mind after my trip home. I have been swirling stuff around in my head for a couple of days now. While I was home, Kurt (one of my ex's) joined us in the French Quarter for a few nights. I have only really loved two guys in my life..John, my first who will have my heart and soul until the day I die, and Kurt. Ironically, one of the times John and I broke up Kurt and I started dating. We used to run within the same circles and shared several of the same friends. John and Kurt were not exactly buddies but were polite to each other on my account. Anyway, Kurt and I always stay in touch, whether a month or 4 months pass, we can always pick up where we left off. Our problem was I was ready to settle down and he wasn't. I truly think he felt like I did with John, I had goals and wanted to accomplish several of them before I even thought about marriage. Well, in the last year Kurt had been dating a girl we'll call T. He was serious enough that they considered moving in together. This is HUGE news for Kurt...He's not a player BY ANY MEANS..He has slept with under a handful of women and he's 37. OK well, about 2 months ago Kurt called me a got my voicemail and left a message; he was crying...Pretty upset. He's very guarded with his emotions...So for this to happen, he's lost it. I managed to get him a few hours later and we talked. T had apparently really led him on and had told him several lies and really screwed him over. At this point, he's feeling frustrated and kinda confused as there hasn't been any closure on his part with her.

Well, Friday night he and I went to Antoines for dinner. If I had to pick the top 3 Na'wlins eateries, it is in the top 2. We spent 3 hours at dinner. We spent the next two days together...with Linda and Kevin at the hotel. Well, Saturday late afternoon...my hormones were raging...and after several drinks...I just kinda broke down. I told him I wanted to just kick the shit out of him for finally feeling "ready" and it was with someone else. I mean Kurt has 90% of what I want. The other 10% I can work out. He's got a college degree in Art no less. He considered teaching at one point..but currently does graphic design. We share a love for New Orleans and for Music. We think alike politically. We just seem to have a pretty good friendship base. As his response to me was "Rebecca it's our timing that was the problem". He said he knew this conversation would happen one day and was glad I said something now. Ladies, I was total water works during this convo. I mean I keep asking myself WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

He told me not to wait for him. He knows I am dating a guy here..Lew. I told him everything, and I know anything I wanna know about T. Is it weird that he and I can talk about other people we are seeing and still sleep together? It was wonderful. I can't explain it, it was serene, peaceful yet sensous. I haven't stopped thinking about him since I drove away Sunday afternoon.

I am so OCD!