*chocolate*

A friend emailed this to me today.....

"After starting a new diet I altered my drive to town to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and as I approached, there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed ... "Lord, it's up to you, if you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery." And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was! God is so Good!"

work bites

OK so....It's Thursday morning...I got to work 45 minutes early...because yesterday schedules were changed in the computer per my principal. Teachers were told we would make all of these changes today. Well, yesterday was awful... kids were confused and upset about where they were going to go today. Again, I get here early expecting to go thru pages and pages of schedules! I'm here and no schedules in my box. After I hunt down my team leader, Oh "I'm sorry, we won't change until next week we were told that yesterday. The principal told us that yesterday and I didn't tell you. Can I scream now??? Email ever heard of it????? Last night going to bed I am trying to figure out how I am going to change all of my rosters, my reading programs etc....A telephone call would have been nice.

Kurt didn't call last night...so I am assuming he is talking to "T" and I probably better not try to drive home. I need an outlet not more anguish. Right now all I feel is frustration and loneliness...not to mention broke! I got my GA power bill yesterday 254.00....Good lord will I be glad when cool weather gets here.

screaming in Ga

How can people be such cowards as not to stand up when they are being dumped on?? I have a coworker FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL.....I mean Satan calls her for advice..Are you with me????

She is on the other team in my grade level...and well for some reason the rest of the the faculty is scared of her...and they let her get away with MURDER....How can I get them to stand up to her??

Should I or shouldn't I?

Well, I am debating on driving home this weekend. I have Labor Day off...While I could use the rest...and the not spending any money aspect...I want to drive home to see Kurt. See here is my OCD kicking in. We spoke for a couple of hours Sunday. He told me he was having confused feelings about us being together a few weeks ago. The girl "T" that broke his heart has been calling him and asking him if they can work things out. Well, he went on to tell me he has not slept with her...He was planning on moving in together...But no sex yet...See what I mean about his feelings and sex they are sooooo entwined...He is really guarded for a guy. This is a turn on factor for me! Most guys are the total opposite. Well, he said even though they were broken up totally when we were together he felt guilty towards both of us.


I am asking myself...Do I want to go home have a relaxing weekend w/ mom, dad, Dawn and Kurt? Or will I only have feelings of despair after I spend an evening with him and see the pain in his eyes? He can't give me what I need right now....but he can give me what I WANT right now. On one hand if I go...he'll have to think of me...and if I stay here he'll think of her. So what do I do????

Today was the one year anniversary of Katrina (that bitch gave new Orleans one hell of a blow job)

FEMA

Do I really have to get up, function and teach tomorrow? I took a co-worker out to dinner this evening. She is recently divorced and her daughter just moved out to go to college. It's her birthday today and she was feeling really low.

I am still a tad bit growling on the different prep classes....but 2 is better than 3. I am really thinking of N'Awlins as tomorrow (Tues) is the one yr anniversary of Katrina. So many news programs are reliving the devastation. It saddens me to see how very LITTLE the government had given in the form of immediate and continuous relief. People should not still be living in FEMA (Fix everything my ass) trailers...and trying to make ends meet. How can we give so much to other countries and forget about our own?

I'm homesick and sad at the same time. Pray for the people who are still trying to rebuild their homes and attempting to make another life for themselves. Gutting homes, treating the frames for mold, gathering debris and trying to salavge their sanity in the process is hard.

Better

OK. I am feeling a bit better, still not thrilled but better. I just spent my entire planning on scheduling. I am now teaching 3 Lit classes and 2 Grammar classes. Hey, last night I thought I would have #3 preps for classes. I wanted to lose my mind. I am not thrilled about Grammar...but it's still Language Arts and easier to plan.

I also spent 2 hours on the phone with Kurt last night some news....T has been calling him. She is in Nebraska...and wanting to try to work things out...that kinda bums me out. So send them bad vibes...Ok well I want him to be happy, but I'd rather him be happy with ME. I am still trying to decide if I will drive home this weekend. He's not sure if he's working Monday..If he is I'm not going. If he continues to talk to her, then I don't need to go....Feedback???

Yikes, have I stepped over the line...I saw RM (the married teacher here that I have always had a crush on)...and fussed at him as to why he didn't sing or dance for me last Friday ...he said why what am I missing? I said "What am I missing I thought maybe you would even do a strip tease for me. " He laughed and said I am an old man...you do not want me to do a dance like that I am an old man....I went on to say well, maybe your wife wouldn't approve. Yes, I think I went WAY out on a limb....I've lost my mind. I had to do something that made me laugh after all the shit I dealt with this weekend. GRRRRRR

FUCK

I want to quit my job after this last week and move back to New Orleans. I don't think I have ever hated my life as much as I do right now.They want me to teach...3 classes of Literature. co teach a grammer class and co teach a history class....Can you see my lesson plans and FRUSTRATION NOW?????


I am seriously asking God WHY AM I HERE???? OK to my pillow and tears....

B'day

Well, I'm home from school. My feet are killing me! My kids danced and sang today, Reading lyrics is singing! SO i put them in groups and they sang "Good TImes" by Chic, YMCA by the Village People, RESPECT by Aretha Franklin, and We are Family by Sister Sledge. They had a good time, some better than others.

I grabbed my cell phone once I got in my car. I had several messages..there was a simple birthday wish from John--the LOVE of my life--and I just burst into tears. My God do I miss him.

I need to go freshen up my make up and go get a cosmopolitian at a bar somewhere before dinner. I really need a few today. Getting older SUCKS, especially when you are alone. Wish me luck.

meow

I am going to F****** scream! I just left a team meeting and my schedule will be totally changed! I want to quit and move back to New Orleans. How do I even attempt to explain this? First, I teach 6th grade Literature. We have 2 teams in the sixth grade. Each team has about 150 students. We have a magnet program here where exceptional students go to Spanish rather than Literature. SO I get about 100 of the 150 on my team. Well, I cross team with the other Literature teacher...I gave her 20 of my kids during her small classes. She gave me 20 of her kids during my small classes. We did this 2 weeks ago. She and I teach VERY differently! She's considered HITLER if that gives you any idea! My kids beg me to come back to my class. Of course I gave her some of the challenging students...she is so mean that she can usually straighten out the bad apples, or at least they fear her.
Well an hour ago I find out I am getting my 20 back... =( and my classes will change and GOd Almighty now I will be teaching a class of Language Arts. Which for me means more planning and more paperwork...and I want to just jump ship.
Let me add to it...I teach Literature...we have Literature workbooks...Well my new Language Arts teacher who has Grammar workbooks tells me she has already used several stories out of the Lit workbook that I teach from. OK, how else can I let off steam today??? My materials are being used, my classes are changing and now I have to find more work, retrain my kids, add new lesson plans and lose what is left of my mind in the process.
It didn't help that I couldn't sleep last night and hit snooze 7 times this morning, eventually getting out of bed at 7:45 and made it to school and my classroom for 8:15. I knew I should have stayed in bed this am. I just knew it! It doesn't help that I make 36 tomorrow and I am feeling really alone.

Hiss***

I can't sleep! I mean damn I have spent the last 2 hours in bed tossing and turning. I am so going top hurt in 4 hours...I need to go la la land in order to make it tomorrow with 100 kids!

I made reservations at my favorite restaurant this for Dinner this Friday...Thanks for all the B-day wishes but it's this Friday the 25th....I wasn't feeling exactly great about a new year of life taken away from me...I mean hell Social Security (if there is any money left) here I come! But my buddy Tommy kept on and on about me needing to see a few people, rather than sitting around after work and picking out my headstone.

IS their a secret to eternal youth? (besides lying???)

me*

Well, if I have to turn another year older...at least I will try to pamper myself a bit in the process of going to an old folks home...My aunt brought her maid "Glossy" over to my house today as a treat for me..(yeah!!) After work I went to get a manicure and a pedicure...my feet feel better and my house is cleaner! How can I be upset?

Emerils cooking for N'awlins people or N'awlins dishes all week...Check him out. On the anniversary for Hurricane Katrina some restraunts are donating proceeds to Nawlins...so stay tumed and if yu can EAT out next week! August 29 is the day Katrina destroyed so many people and their lives and homes in my beloved city.

Here's a pic of my one of my kitties. Her name is Whisper. She is my newest edition. She's been part of my family for over a year now. She is just starting to come around affectionatly. She was VERY stand offish for the first 9 months...I mean I have NEVER had a kitty that wasn't a lap baby...So I hope she continues to come around!

......

Wow! I hit snooze several times this morning. I fell asleep watching the Saints vs. Dallas last night. Lets just say Da Saints didn't do all that well. =(

I am wishing I had peace and what feels like attainable goals in my life right now. I have done really well on my diet for 10 days now...I'm not getting on a scale until I think I won't be discouraged. Still send me good vibes of self control with exercise and food.

I went looking for a tanning salon after Walmart last night. The one that was supposed to be near me and have stand up tanning....apparently closed. =(
I also called and tried to make a hair appointment this week to get my highlights touched up. Well, she can only see me Friday or next week. I took the next week appointment.

I am still thinking about K. I want to call him and find out what are going on in his head right now. I guess it is the Virgo nature in me to want to have some control over my life...and well...I feel totally helpless. Anybody reading this a Libra? If so, what are your pet peeves? I know Libras don't like to be backed into a corner, or put on the spot.

How long?

If you were in a relationship that did not work out...and you considered yourself serious...and the other person really screwed with your feelings...How long before you would think about dating?

thoughts

K scroll down, look at pics..and then please comment on the regrets* post. Thank you!

Well after seeing these pics, I think I have finally realized that I have to lose some weight. I also desperately need a tan. I have always been fair, and my mom used to spend lots of time on Pensacola beach...she has since ended up with tons of skin cancer. I have stayed away from sun for skin cancer reasons and the fact that I hate to be HOT! SO has anyone on here spent anytime in a tanning bed? Comments?

I actually got on my treadmill today and walked over a mile...not much I know, but hey its a start. I have also tried to cut down on my eating portion size and no eating after 7. Wanna send me self control vibes?

Lots of pics added today!

I love Brooks and DUNN

Regrets?

How many regrets are we supposed to feel in a life time? Are we to pass on our knowledge to others...or stew in our own thoughts? Are we EXPECTED to grow from them or have them hang over our head until we are literally hanging by a thread?

Are regrets supposed to make us think about mistakes, or just *caution* us when we are about to make a right or left turn on a one way street?

One of the cities top dining establishments

Kurt and I had dinner here and ended up closing the place...it really was a good evening!

Ok Yummy man he is!

HAVE I TOLD YA'LL I LOVE THIS MAN???

!

I have lots of thoughts about Kurt. One, should be protecting myself...the other should be am i being realistic or just dreamy? How much time do you generally need to get over a relationship?

I am catching my self off guard in the last month to six weeks I am really wanting to play HOUSE. I mean I will be 36 soon...but never felt like I HAD to settle down. Now, I want to settle down!

Please read yesterdays post and send feedback.

Men

Kinda have a lot on my mind after my trip home. I have been swirling stuff around in my head for a couple of days now. While I was home, Kurt (one of my ex's) joined us in the French Quarter for a few nights. I have only really loved two guys in my life..John, my first who will have my heart and soul until the day I die, and Kurt. Ironically, one of the times John and I broke up Kurt and I started dating. We used to run within the same circles and shared several of the same friends. John and Kurt were not exactly buddies but were polite to each other on my account. Anyway, Kurt and I always stay in touch, whether a month or 4 months pass, we can always pick up where we left off. Our problem was I was ready to settle down and he wasn't. I truly think he felt like I did with John, I had goals and wanted to accomplish several of them before I even thought about marriage. Well, in the last year Kurt had been dating a girl we'll call T. He was serious enough that they considered moving in together. This is HUGE news for Kurt...He's not a player BY ANY MEANS..He has slept with under a handful of women and he's 37. OK well, about 2 months ago Kurt called me a got my voicemail and left a message; he was crying...Pretty upset. He's very guarded with his emotions...So for this to happen, he's lost it. I managed to get him a few hours later and we talked. T had apparently really led him on and had told him several lies and really screwed him over. At this point, he's feeling frustrated and kinda confused as there hasn't been any closure on his part with her.

Well, Friday night he and I went to Antoines for dinner. If I had to pick the top 3 Na'wlins eateries, it is in the top 2. We spent 3 hours at dinner. We spent the next two days together...with Linda and Kevin at the hotel. Well, Saturday late afternoon...my hormones were raging...and after several drinks...I just kinda broke down. I told him I wanted to just kick the shit out of him for finally feeling "ready" and it was with someone else. I mean Kurt has 90% of what I want. The other 10% I can work out. He's got a college degree in Art no less. He considered teaching at one point..but currently does graphic design. We share a love for New Orleans and for Music. We think alike politically. We just seem to have a pretty good friendship base. As his response to me was "Rebecca it's our timing that was the problem". He said he knew this conversation would happen one day and was glad I said something now. Ladies, I was total water works during this convo. I mean I keep asking myself WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

He told me not to wait for him. He knows I am dating a guy here..Lew. I told him everything, and I know anything I wanna know about T. Is it weird that he and I can talk about other people we are seeing and still sleep together? It was wonderful. I can't explain it, it was serene, peaceful yet sensous. I haven't stopped thinking about him since I drove away Sunday afternoon.

I am so OCD!

Hurricane Relief

I have tons to say...but not all the time in the world to say it! I am under the weather feeling crappy! Sinus/sore throat/headache....UGHHHHHH I'm taking meds and going home to crawl into bed....early!

My trip was a success! I will post pictures soon...I managed to get pics with Brian McKnight, Dr. Phil, Dr. Phils son (who got married the day after to a playboy model no less) Jeff Foxworthy and my guys Brooks and Dunn. I was such a nut! They were late to the party....But I was the first person they saw when they walked thru the doors. All I could manage to get out of my mouth to Ronnie was "I LOVE YOU"...he walked over and huged me, then I said again..."I LOVE YOU"...he did a little dance, I damn near lost my mind. I got 2 pics with them...The preshow party was cool...they fed us N'awlins stuff like muffelattas, stuffed shrimp, and gumbo in a martini glass! They also had fresh fruit and an open bar with red and white wine....The people who purchased the first 6 rows were given a bag of goodies...A few books (one by Dr. Phils wife, one about the devastation and photos of Hurricane Katrina), a Dr. Phil coffee cup, A DVD of Blue Collar Comedy, Cd's by Brian, Allen Toussiant, and Brooks and Dunn...A baseball cap and other goodies...My tickets could not have been better. I had 3rd row center. I took over 150 pictures...The stage was set up with a backdrop of St. Louis Cathedral (The most beautiful church I have ever been in...and where I Hope* Dream* and Pray* to get married) and they designed 2 balconies on each side...It was really a good job! I have no regrets on the money I spent, it was worth every penny! The money goes back to the City employees who stayed and worked during this time of crisis. My city is rebuilding and slowly....very slowly getting back on it feet. Keep those prayers alive!

Positive thoughts ( I know I need them)

This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

So........If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone, including the one that sent it to you. If you get it back, then they really do love you.

And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and ask me over!

I'm OFF!

Well, I felt better this morning knowing that I will not be at work tomorrow, but with my oldest and dearest friend...in the city that I LOVE...with FABULOUS music( and comedy)...Great food...and some down time.

Yes, I know I just came off of summer break...but I've been working for 2 weeks now.... =(

I hope to leave right after school today....and not sure where I'll stay tonight...I have a few options. I am looking forward to going to www.Antoines.com and www.galatoies.com and Acmeoyster.com....BBQ shrimp po-boys....crawfish pies with an ettoufee sauce...grilled oysters, Bannanas Foster, Bread Pudding..Ok I know I will gain 20 pounds on this trip and worth EVERY bite!!!!!

Hiss***

I'm still feeling overwhelmed at school.....It's hard when you have so many kids and don't know all of their names...and unfortunately the names you are know are the ones whose behavior has stuck out and you have had to talk to them. I want to look forward to my road trip tomorrow nigt but feel totally unprepared here at school!

Again send me soothing, calming and positive vibes...
Thanks

!!!!!!

3 adjectives to describe my day- chaotic, frustrating, unbalanced

3 for how I feel...Exhausted, frustrated, overwhelmed

It was the first day with students...The kids were ok, I guess. However, the new schedule for 6th grade SUCKS ...And I feel like I have no time for anything! Leaving Wed after school to drive home is a bit much at this stage....plans and organization is really a nightmare the first week of school. I wanna SCREAM...

Ok and how was your day?

One a final note...the guy that I teach with that I have such a crush on...very married just added to his appeal YET again...last week he mentioned to me he has over 200 acres in the country (yes, I really want 5 or 10 one day).....we walk out of a faculty meeting today and he says well Rebecca...are you going home? I said I can't we have a quick dept meeting downstairs...so in turn I ask how about you? He says "Well, I have two beautiful women waiting for me at home, my daughter and my wife. I swear my daughter reminds me more and more of my lovely wife." After 25+ years of marriage....I am crying out loud to find my own man this close to perfect! I mean damn...why do I have to fall for some one so totally OFF LIMITS??????
SCREAM

Yawn

Kinda sleepy now....I slept til 11...I was up late watching a movie with Alec Baldwin(the only Baldwin brother that I adore)...called "The Cooler"...It was about Casino life...on IFC. This afternoon I ran to Dillards to pick up some Estee Lauder mascara....went in a tye dye tshirt and shorts mind you...one of the girls at the counter is from New Orleans..We started chatting again and she got me to stay for their regional manager to give me a make over....Mind you it's tax free weekend for back to schoolers the mall was INSANE! I ended up buying some eyeshadow to go with the mascara---they were in gift. Then I drove over to school to see if our principal had schedules out yet...Nope! We get kids Monday but no idea what classes, names and such....I did hang a few more posters and cleared out my box...and ran to aunties house....I'm still looking at the makeup job from Lauder in the mirror. I came in typed up a few pages of school procedures and such...and need to get my happyself ready for my trip Wed night...I'm worried about getting everything together for the sub on Thurs/Fri...I have no list of kids to leave her, or schedules, or times to take kids places...I have a few lessons pulled together but not typed...Need to pack...Thought about trying to get my hair taken care of here....but I doubt I'll have time...much less money. I can pray My schedule and Dawn's will allow for it. Tomorrow, I start to pack, get a disposable camera, and figure out what in the hell I can wear to try to make me look skinny in front of Ronnie Dunn...Like I have a chance in hell with a married guy with his heavenly voice...but Hey I wann try to look *purty* =)
Plus I have a few people I wanna see while I am home....but not sure how that will work out. So send me soothing, calming vibes, with a touch of organizational skills thrown in....for the next week.

THANKS!

*mmmm mmm good

I'm cooking a big pot of N'awlins red Beans and Rice...they are simmering on the stove..I'm flipping channels and loving on my kitties....I'm broke and can't go anywhere! Send me a good man and the winning lotto numbers....I'm not asking for much.

friday

Well, I had the day off...and productive, I was not. Relaxed, sleepy and in control of the remote are much better labels.

Feeling kinda weird about having to go back to work. Wishing at least one of the two of my friends were still co-workers.

Hoping to find the love of my life to where I feel engulfed with happiness, joy and a friendship to last a lifetime. ...Praying God will point him out...and soon.

Totally broke...and hating the blazing heat outside...I feel like the earth is getting closer and closer to hell.

OCD

Well, still no air at school. MISERY! This has been every day this week. SCREAM

I worked really late well...7:00 pm after getting here at 7:30 with no air is LATE for me...but one of my favorite students froma couple of years ago....came to see me yesterday afternoon and wanted to help! So I jumped and said yes. Her mom and brother were here...her mom is a bit odd. My student we will call K...Is so very bright, a talented writer and artist. She has been hurting herself at home. She had a welt on her arm...Mom proceeds to tell me she was molested when she was 8 and that K is dropping off grade wise and she's in therapy now. OK well....this is personal info and mom is shouting it from my room....How sad is that for K? It sucks! After we worked inmy room..I took her for pizza...Mom told me how they are on food stamps, hubby is on disability. They were renting from a slum lord...I didn't know her home life was this sad. This weekend, I will clean out my cup board and see if I have some food for them to eat. I look, listen and feel so much empathy for this girl. She's the type so smart, hopefully she will get a scholarship! Pray for her and her family.




YEP, that's my title...I get into these ruts and well...OBSESS...and right now is one of those ruts! Yesterday, being a member of the fan club (Brooks and Dunn) of course...Pre sale tix went on to the show in Atlanta in November...which happens to be on Veterans day and I have NO SCHOOL and its a Friday! Well the first set of tickets I bought were on the left facing the stage...myman Ronnie sings on the right. Well for fear of not getting close I bought them. I kept trying for an hour or so...and finally got them on the right 4th row....So I bought them too. Granted these were 50 dollar tix...the ones on the left were 5th row....so I'm pretty sure I will sell the ones on the left for a profit. If you are not a fan they are country stars...23 #1 hits over the last few years.....and I only discovered them in the last 4 years....

I wanna head down a "Red Dirt Road"

As of tomorrow he's only a week away......"I Believe"...it was actually nominated for Christian single of the year. See my guy does me proud! He just has to sing to me and then catch me as I faint in his presence! He is so talented! It would be sooooo cool if they actually picked me as the N'awlins B & D correspondant! I could win a trip to Vegas in December to see and meet them...all expenses paid. I think I could handle that...

Cross you fingers! "I Believe"!

100th post

Ironic that it is August first and my 100th post....Yeahh blogger....thank you Hannah!
Well, still no Air Conditioning..I saw a school district employee roaming the halls and pleaded with him about no AIR...Those of you who do not know me....need to realize that I cannot FUNCTION without my AC...I will give up several things in life....I will give up chocolate before my AC. I will give up sex before my AC....Are you with me??? Well, after yesterdays power STROKE.my bill at home...All I can come up with was that with the floor guys at my house for almost 2 weeks and leaving doors open in order to cut the wood to size and using a saw they needed to leave 2 of my door open....I like it cool. I sleep with it on 65...but keep it on 68-70 when Im home....So I realize that this is cooler than most...but I'm a big girl and need my cool breeze going on.
Well, Rocketman does too (the guy at school I have the crush on--unfortunately very married)...he's sweating up a storm right along with me....At least I get a great view of him....Damn, he is so close to the perfect man for me...Can't someone free him up?????