What traits have ya''ll noticed to be the
***** TOP 10****
for a lasting relationship? This goes to my married bloggers, my single and even my gay bloggers....
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Love
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9 comments:
Well, my husband and I give each other a lot of space to be who we need to be. We agree on what is unacceptable in the relationship, and don't sweat the little stuff that doesn't matter.
I don't like it that he quit exercising and started smoking again (outside, of course). He thinks I'm weird that I don't like to go to concerts and I stay up all night on weekends. We each wish the other would do more housework. But we wouldn't dream of nagging each other about such silly things.
Choose your battles. Give space. And have at least one "date" per week that neither of you will break, no matter how life tries to intrude. When you know your "we" time is the most valued part of the week, letting the other person have their "me" time is no big deal.
Works for us.
Trust & Chemistry are the main two, not sure whats really important if they exist.
In random order.
1. Patience
2. trust
3. respect
4. unconditional love
5. humor
6. communication
7. acceptance
8. morals
9. goals to achieve together
10. quiet time, intimacy
D :)
learn to trust - trust is a precious gift that has to be earned by both of you but once it is earned, don't take it back.
make sure you have the same views on morality (read my today's Brent post) .
let him have "guys" time and you have "girls" time. then when you both get home that night, have some "we" time (wink, wink).
remember once it is said - it can NEVER be taken back. no matter how much you or he apologies, once the words are spoken - the deed is done. so choose your words in an argument carefully cuz they can really hurt.
and no matter what is said - actions speak louder than words.
to comment on todays post-omg, I cannot believe school is almost out! it seems like it was just x-mas (sorta)
If I was single and did not have to cook for anyone but myself, I would be on Nutraslim (sp?) or Jenny Craig or some such thing. All the meals delivered to your door, already proportioned. I would LOVE to do that now but it would be impossible since I have to cook at least 2 meals a day for my family-which sucks BTW.
okay now to the BIG question.
The relationship traits, this is stuff that works for hubs and I. I cant think of ten so heres how ever many I can think of:
1. we allow each other to have space from each other. Neither one of us wants to feel crowded, especially ME
2. physical attraction. This is a BIG one, its gotta be there. If the sex isnt good, who wants to live like that forever? not me!
3. I genuinely like my husband. I like WHO he is and what hes about.
4. we share the same morals/values
5. goals. Our goals are the same, if they werent, we'd be spinning our wheels
6. humor, my husband can make me laugh or smile, especially when I really need it
7. Unselfishness....this is a huge part in my relationship. My husband is very giving, he thinks about others before himself..others being me, now our boys too. He does things like fills my car up every week for me, buys my favorite candy bar when he stops at the store (like I need it!), calls to see if I need anything from town so I dont have to make a trip in, takes excellent care of my horse when Im gone or busy-little things like that, they mean a lot.
dont get me wrong, my husband can be a BIG a-hole but hes a man.
why am I answering this question anyhow?
Hey Darlin'! First, SORRY I don't get by like I used to! :0( Things have been SO crazy and hetic here-- but I HAVE NOT forgotten about ya! I still love ya, and think of you, even when I don't get by!
Ok, on to the question.
1. COMMUNICATE. Say what's on your mind. Learn how to express yourselves without the other feeling attacked, hurt, ect. Find out what works for the two of you.
2. Be honest. If something makes you happy. Tell them. If something hurts your feelings. Tell them.
3. Be availble. Be willing to listen when your partner needs to talk, a shoulder to cry on, or share ideas with.
4. Talk to one another. It doesn't matter if it's a deep heart to heart, or a "hi honey, how was your day?"
5. Don't bottle your emotions. If you're feelings are hurt, let it be known. Don't keep things inside for them to come out later. Get it out in the open. Resolve it, so it doesn't become an on-going, nagging issue.
6. Have seperate intrests. Doing things together is great, but you are STILL an individual, and need to do things on your own from time to time.
7. Make "couple" time. Even if it's just an hour a night that you sit on the couch together, or a dinner date-- make sure you make time for each other.
Ok, I know that's only 7, but those are BIG for me. I know there's more, but those were the main things I've come across that's really made things a lot better for us-- if I think of more, I'll let ya know!
*hugs and love*
hmmmm.... I dunno - I suck at being married....
but don't argue over money - it's either there or it isn't - you can only work so much of your life away...
Probably can't think of 10 but the ones that are important for us:
1) communicated daily
2) don't let problems/issues fester and not talk about them...they will just turn in to a big pile of crud
3) if you need help, ask for it, got to therapy if need be if you hit a real rough spot in marriage or a relationship
4) Make time for you as a couple (hard one to do when you get kids)
5) Never side with you mother over your significant other and vice versa. You have each others backs.
6) Give a hug or kiss each day and really ask 'how was your day' and make eye contact even on real crazy days
7) Each of you spend time with your own friends. And if you're lucky, you can find couple friends
8) Make time to spend quality time together, doing activities together. We like to ride bikes, go for walks, play games when we have time. The family that plays together, stays together.
9) Find out what each of you really wants from the relationship. Is affection important? Is conversation important? Is admiration important? Honesty? Is what you look like on the outside really important to him? Are you sexually compatable? Is it really important to him? Probably.
It's amazing how different men and women are and what need we want filled and how we don't talk about them till we hit a snag. In my experience this is the case. You don't think about it when you first fall for someone but years later you will.
Sorry so long!
Argue wisely. There are more important things that being right. There needs to be a lack of pride or ego, and never resort to name calling or character assasination!
Be affectionate. Nothing says "I love you" more that rubbing his feet after a hard days work, or running your fingers through his hair.
Don't try to change each other. If you met each other in a bar, you can't complain that he likes going out with his buddies too much once you've formed a relationship.
Love each other for who you are, not what you want each other to be. If you fail at this, you fail at everything in the relationship!
Trust is a biggy. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.
Humour between lovers is definatly good!
If you want him to listen to you, you have to listen to him. When he comes home after a crappy day at work, let him talk it all out. Genuinely listen to him, keep eye contact, and offer suggestions or just a sympathetic ear. Then when you need him to listen, you'll find he'll follow suit :o)
Never lose the romance & spontinaity! Never forget that you were freinds are are a couple before anything else! Otherwise it becomes all about the kids and the jobs. You forget how to be freinds. Then before you know it, the kids have grown up and left home. And you and your husband don't know each other. It happens soooo much!
Sex doesn't have to get dull. Buy a book on sexual tips and hints. There's ALWAYS room for spark!
It's ok to disagree in front of the kids, but not to argue. If you need to say something there and then, just say, "Dear, i need to talk to you in the laundry for a minute right now" *gritted teeth*.
And never undermine your partner with the kids! If dad said no lollies before dinner. It's NOT ok to slip the kid one when dad's not looking, and say, "Shh it's our little secret." even though sometimes it's tempting, It'll cause WAAAAY too many dramas now and in the long run!
And finaly, i really don't believe we stay in love all our married life. We chose to love each other, but the depth varies. Sometimes we don't feel much for our partners at all, and that's when we need to work at it. Getting through the hard times [all kinds of hard times] makes the relationship stronger!
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